Seeing the Shadows
Challenges of siblings of children with special needs and strategies to support
Parenting a child with special needs is no easy task. Let’s rephrase: parenting a child is no easy task, while parenting a child with special needs can be especially difficult. As such, it’s natural that parents of children with disabilities find themselves directing an immeasurable amount of their time and attention towards the child that seems to need it most, even when other siblings reside in the home. These siblings, often referred to as “shadow children,” face unique challenges and experiences that can significantly impact their emotional, psychological, and social development. Understanding their needs and providing appropriate support can help ensure that they thrive alongside their siblings with disabilities, and is vital in fostering a healthy family dynamic.
The unique challenges of siblings are multi-faceted yet intricately connected, and include the following:
Emotional Impact
Siblings of children with special needs may feel neglected as parents’ attention is often disproportionately directed towards the child with special needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment, jealousy and guilt, and can cause internal conflicts and stress. Anger and frustration are also common, especially if their sibling’s needs or behavior restricts the rest of the family from attending parties, outings, or other events. They can also experience embarrassment about the way their sibling looks or acts, especially in public settings.
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Increased Responsibilities
Sibling of children with disabilities may take on additional responsibilities, such as helping with caregiving tasks or managing household chores, even at quite a young age. This can lead to a sense of burden, a loss of a typical childhood experience, and a feeling of being taken advantage of. These feelings can then cascade into resentment or guilt, as already discussed.
Social Dynamics
In their social lives, siblings of children with special needs may experience bullying or teasing from peers, which can lead to feelings of isolation, embarrassment, and a desire to protect their sibling. Additionally, parents may limit or prohibit siblings’ friends from coming to their home, in the event that it may disrupt the routines or expectations that many children with disabilities rely on for regulation and comfort.
A Sense of Pressure
Siblings may feel pressure to meet their parents’ expectations, especially as their sibling may not reach the same milestones. They may also feel worry and a sense of pressure when they are old enough to reflect on how their sibling will be taken care of when their parents are no longer able to.
Identity and Self-Esteem
Growing up in a household focused on a sibling with disabilities can affect a child’s sense of identity and self-esteem. Siblings may struggle to find their own place within the family and may feel overshadowed by their sibling’s needs.
Despite these negative (but important) aspects to highlight, it is crucial to mention the positive characteristics that siblings of children with special needs often learn as well, including: leadership, maturity, resilience, empathy, compassion and patience.
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