The Silent Supporters

Understanding and Aiding Siblings of Children with Disabilities

In the field of pediatric therapy, it’s easy to guess that time and attention are focused primarily on children with disabilities. This focus extends to their parents as well, who require education and support to help them on their journey in parenting a child with special needs. Less often, however, is a very important figure in the child’s life considered or addressed directly: the child’s sibling.

In this newsletter, we do turn our attention to siblings of children with disabilities, and rightfully so. They play an integral role in the family dynamic and require a similar amount of support in order to help them manage some difficult emotions and tricky situations. Read on to learn more about these “shadow children” and the strategies that can help them thrive.

MONTHLY FEATURES

Book:
Being the Other One: Growing Up with a Brother or Sister Who Has Special Needs

Author Kate Strohm, herself a sibling to a sister with cerebral palsy, offers important insight in this work. In compassionate terms, she explores the feelings that siblings of children with special needs experience and offers valuable strategies that can help them cope.

Quote of the Month

The siblings of special needs children are quite special. Absolutely accepting and totally loving, from birth, someone who is different mentally, and has a different way of seeing the world, is a wonderful trait. It’s a trait I wish there was another way of getting, but there isn’t. And it does involve a degree of not having it fantastically easy.

– Sally Phillips

Seeing the Shadows

Challenges of siblings of children with special needs and strategies to support

Parenting a child with special needs is no easy task. Let’s rephrase: parenting a child is no easy task, while parenting a child with special needs can be especially difficult. As such, it’s natural that parents of children with disabilities find themselves directing an immeasurable amount of their time and attention towards the child that seems to need it most, even when other siblings reside in the home. These siblings, often referred to as “shadow children,” face unique challenges and experiences that can significantly impact their emotional, psychological, and social development. Understanding their needs and providing appropriate support can help ensure that they thrive alongside their siblings with disabilities, and is vital in fostering a healthy family dynamic.

The unique challenges of siblings are multi-faceted yet intricately connected, and include the following:

Emotional Impact

Siblings of children with special needs may feel neglected as parents’ attention is often disproportionately directed towards the child with special needs. This can lead to feelings of resentment, jealousy and guilt, and can cause internal conflicts and stress. Anger and frustration are also common, especially if their sibling’s needs or behavior restricts the rest of the family from attending parties, outings, or other events. They can also experience embarrassment about the way their sibling looks or acts, especially in public settings.

Increased Responsibilities

Sibling of children with disabilities may take on additional responsibilities, such as helping with caregiving tasks or managing household chores, even at quite a young age. This can lead to a sense of burden, a loss of a typical childhood experience, and a feeling of being taken advantage of. These feelings can then cascade into resentment or guilt, as already discussed.

Social Dynamics

In their social lives, siblings of children with special needs may experience bullying or teasing from peers, which can lead to feelings of isolation, embarrassment, and a desire to protect their sibling. Additionally, parents may limit or prohibit siblings’ friends from coming to their home, in the event that it may disrupt the routines or expectations that many children with disabilities rely on for regulation and comfort.

A Sense of Pressure

Siblings may feel pressure to meet their parents’ expectations, especially as their sibling may not reach the same milestones. They may also feel worry and a sense of pressure when they are old enough to reflect on how their sibling will be taken care of when their parents are no longer able to.

Identity and Self-Esteem

Growing up in a household focused on a sibling with disabilities can affect a child’s sense of identity and self-esteem. Siblings may struggle to find their own place within the family and may feel overshadowed by their sibling’s needs.

Despite these negative (but important) aspects to highlight, it is crucial to mention the positive characteristics that siblings of children with special needs often learn as well, including: leadership, maturity, resilience, empathy, compassion and patience.

Love for Lemonade!

No one is sour about CTC’s lemonade stand for childhood cancer!

CTC’s Monday Life Skills group did a fantastic job preparing for and running this July’s lemonade stand fundraiser! It supported Alex’s Lemonade Stand for Childhood Cancer, a nonprofit organization that fights childhood cancer, “one cup at a time.”

Thank you to everyone who contributed their time, attention and money to support this amazing cause!

Follow @alexslemonade on Instagram or visit alexslemonade.org for more information about Alex and the incredible impact her legacy has made.

In order to best support siblings, a number of strategies can be implemented, including:

Open Communication

Encouraging open and honest communication within the family is important. Siblings should feel comfortable expressing their feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or repercussions. Parents can set aside regular times for one-on-one conversations with each child to ensure they feel heard and valued.

Provide Age-Appropriate Information

Educating siblings about their brother’s or sister’s differences in an age-appropriate manner can help reduce feelings of confusion or fear and foster empathy and acceptance.

Help Siblings Connect

Facilitate bonding between siblings by involving both in activities that appeal to both of them, such as turn-taking games, dancing to music, exploring in sensory bins or playing toy musical instruments.

Encourage and Celebrate Individual Interests and Accomplishments

Encouraging siblings to pursue hobbies and activities that nurture their individual interests can help them develop a strong sense of self and personal achievement, independent of their sibling’s needs. Celebrating their achievements in a genuine manner reinforces their self-worth and contribution to the family.

Prioritize “Special Time”

Set aside regular, dedicated one-on-one time with siblings in order to help them feel valued and important. This is actually helpful advice for all parents of multiple children! It provides an opportunity for parents to give their undivided attention to each child, which helps to create a solid, stable relationship between them.

Seek Support Groups and Professional Support

Joining support groups for siblings of children with special needs can be incredibly beneficial. These groups provide a safe space for siblings to share their experiences, gain insights, and receive support from peers who understand their unique challenges. In some instances, siblings may benefit from professional support, such as counseling or therapy. Both of these modalities help them to navigate their emotions, gain perspective, and develop healthy coping strategies for any negative emotions they may be experiencing.

Content of this newsletter was written by:
Megan A. Miller, M.S., CCC-SLP

Please contact Megan with any questions or comments at: megan@ctctherapy.com

www.ChildrensTherapyConnections.com